In America we eat man semen.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
