She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
