I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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