Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
