I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
