she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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