we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
