everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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