My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
