"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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