Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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