Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
