Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
