I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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