Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
