I think my vagina is haunted
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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