i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
