My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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