Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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