I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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