At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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