two words: eviction party
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
