I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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