I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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