Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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