im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm both gender and math confused
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
