I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
