So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
