I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
