A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
