When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
