i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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