Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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