she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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