A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
