just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize