i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
