i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
