I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
