You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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