maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
operation have a gay friend backfired
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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