I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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