I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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