Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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