I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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