i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
