He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
