Kiss
Puke
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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