We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
