i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He passed out mid-signature
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
