That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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