At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
