operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
