how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
