Please, let me fuck your mom
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
