Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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