if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
