he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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