Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
