The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize