Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
