Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!