why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.