No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night