At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
