im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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