he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
