strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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