I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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