He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
